I haven't been outside since 1999.

Ohhhh, Daddy needs a coffee. Eyelids droopin. Mind poopin. Ears shoop-a-looping.

Ah, this entry is off to a great, mature start. I apologize for not being more 'available' on the blogosphere as of late. Just really haven't been in the mood to start writing and then carry it through to the end. Seriously. Hence, the topic of today's entry:

Abandoned Blog Entries . . .

OoOo spooky

Recently I came across a few 'drafts' of blog entries that I've never finished/posted, but have been saved on the server. I thought I'd post them for your amusement--it's like the special features-deleted scenes bonus of my blog!!!

1) Subject: I want a foam roller for my half birthday.

If I don't start learning to trust my intuition, I'm eventually just gonna get eaten by a gorilla . . . in broad daylight.

Ten dollars. Ten muthaeffin dollars. So distressing.

2) Subject: You're so domestic . . . just like my dog.

Remember when I had a crush on that guy at my catering job? And then, out of nowhere, he vanished. Just like that. Probably drowned in the Hudson. At least that's what I tell myself.

3) Subject: Untitled

So tempted to shoot a music video in my office.

Preferably to a John Legend song.

I just need a video camera, really. And a tripod.

No need for costumes. Just heavy lip-synching.

I also wish I could tape what's going on right now to music, because it's amazing.

Currently, I have a sandwich bag of ice rubber-banded to my foot. I've fashioned a foot rest out of a box top on top of my garbage can under my desk.

If I were directing my music video, I would station the camera to the left of me and keep it there, because my left side is my good side mostly. Then I would stay seated with my iced foot propped up the entire time. I would lip-synch and then maybe at the end awkwardly forget to lip synch for the last note and ruin the whole sound of the music video.

Holy shit! There was really loud chirping going on behind me just now in my office. And I thought to myself, now, how can I hear birdies so clearly when I'm way too high up for any trees? Cut to two birds literally being on the inside of the window on the ledge. What the . . ?! So naturally I lunge forward (to catch one), and they gave me the bitchiest look and then flew away. Maybe a pungent smell attracted them to my window ledge. Like my Fiber One cereal or my perfume, called Arrid XX.

Get me out of here (my office).

UNT