"Can you freeze Pellegrino?"
There it is.
After some more in-depth researching a la Google, I also discovered that sometimes if you try to freeze sparkling water, nothing will happen. UNTIL, you break the seal and try to open it, then the water will freeze right before your very eyes. What. the. Eff? That is one hell of a magic trick, people. I'm sorry, an illusion.
I'm naming one of my sons Eff.
Now that we got THAT out of the way, I can discuss something of substance. Totally kidding.
I just wanted to pop in for a mo' to let everyone know I'm still alive. It's been a whirlwind of a week since I returned from my vacation to California, and apparently the fun (sarcasm) isn't stopping any time soon!
Here's a quick little story about some of the fun things I've been doing lately. Last night I worked a private concert for Elton John and I was passing hors d'oeuvres outside on the patio in 90 degree weather in a polyester suit and people kept grabbing me and reaching over me (read:fondling me) to grab a 'slider' from my tray. Finally, this one twat of a lady tugged on my arm, hard, and was all snottily, 'Um excuse me! Can I get one of those?' After a couple hours of already coping with similar bullshit, that was it for me. I whipped around like Elizabeth Taylor in a Martha-esque fit [Virg. Woolf] and gave her a look that could freeze the Dalai Lama's heart. She literally started. As I spit the words "Excuse me?!" at her, she gave me a sheepish, albeit pathetic, smile. I guess she was sorry she was acting like a crazy person about trying to get a fucking slider by manhandling a poor butler who was just trying to get through the evening with at least half her dignity intact. There are little children starving all over the world, and yet for some reason these millionaires feel it necessary to physically assault a cater waiter in order to get one ounce of shitty beef at an event. They wouldn't know 'starving' if it bit them in the ass. And that is what I wanted to do to that lady. Bite her. In the ass. Outrageousness.
But I guess things could be worse. I just wanted to share a little tidbit of what it's like to butler at a terrible event. Not all are bad, but sometimes, even the strongest mofo can get shaken up.
I'm off! Have a pleasant, non-angry week!
UNT
