The point I'm getting to here is I happened to come across an old entry that amused me and made me feel like at least I'm getting some of my goals accomplished from my past.
Lend me your eye and behold:
November 17, 2007
My Mood was 'Anxious' and the Music of Choice was 'Alanis'
So.
When I move to NYC.
First thing I'm doing with my new york boyfriend is going to an authentic jazz club.all smokey and swankey-like.
and I am going to wear a tight black cocktail dress, drink a cosmopolitan, and thank the lord for being alive.
Well, the only contradiction I found with that little blurb was the word 'smokey'. Why did I even want it to be smokey? As a long-time allergy sufferer, I am positively confuzled at my own desires. Perhaps I wished there was a fog machine there. Maybe I thought NY jazz clubs were foggy. No, actually, I'm sure I was imagining that jazz club scene from the film Dream Girls. Because Hollywood always paints an accurate depiction of New York. Also, I lied. I found another contradiction. Drinking a cosmopolitan. Clearly again, I was influenced by something I was currently watching on the television: Sex and the City. Even though in 2007 I knew I hated the taste of Cosmopolitans, I was apparently still trying to pretend I was my favorite fictional character of the time [Carrie Bradshaw].
Still, that entry has come true since then. Better than I imagined, as New York sometimes seems to do to me. It's interesting to me that in 2007 I was actively planning my big move. Ever since I was a little girl I had always wanted to move to a big city, and barely knew about New York City. But it wasn't until I first visited that I was sold. Then I went on a doubtful-Chicago binge, as we all do. But I remember the day I decided I was certain I was moving to New York. Jordon and I were fucking around in my professor/mentor's office [Rob] as we did, looking at something on Rob's computer. I remember being behind him and him asking us what was the point of waiting or 'wasting time' in Chicago if I knew I wanted the end result to be life in New York. I didn't really have an answer. Up until that point, I had been very comfortable with the idea of spending time in the Midwest only to gradually move my way up to New York. Rob said, "If you want to do it. Just go. Or else you might never get there." Then I had that epiphany when I realized I had nothing to lose. And, I hated the Midwest. I walked into the main hallway of the auditorium and thought, "Welp. That's it." There weren't any negotiations anymore. Not my ever-friendly naysayer friend who once said, "I think Katie should wait a couple years after college before she tries the big city." Right. This coming from a person who moved to Manhattan when he was 17 years old. No ifs nor buts, bitch [me] was going.
And I did. And I thought I was ready for New York to rip me a new one. Hahaha, I was wrong. I don't think anyone is ever ready for someone to punch them in the face, titty twist them and then kick them squarely in the arse. Because that's what NY will do to you . . . on a good day.
And yet, I'm still here. With no plans of leaving any time soon. Chuckling at old journal entries of naive little me dreaming away as usual. Stomach rumbling for a boring lunch at my boring job. But still not defeated. I moved to this city with the hopes that my skin would thicken and toughen a bit. And I feel it happening. Not enough to close me off from the world [with proper maintenance and consistent reality checks and occasional visits to the Midwest], but enough to become a determined fighter. As I've mentioned, I am very scrappy.
Button.
In other news, this Pandora Christmas station sucks a big one.
I'm craving the bold hits of the 'NSync Christmas' record.
With that, I take leave from yar.
UNT.
