Let's check in on my stand-up career, shall we? Or as I like to call it, my Fake Twitter account. As some of you know, I record various thoughts and jokes throughout the day in my electronic notepad, also known as an iPhone. However, recently I noticed I hadn't been writing down jokes from the period of pretty much late April to early August. I'm sensing a pattern. Anybody else? It seems I tend to write on average less jokes when I'm in the thick of dating. And that, my friends, needs to change.
Let's take a gander at the few notes I did record recently:
"You're going to transfer to the train towing garbage cans with all of its lights out? Yeah, me too."
"If I sit here any longer, I'm gonna get propositioned for a threesome."
"This is exactly like Nick and Nora's playlist. Only I'm completely alone."
"I title this look in the mirror: shameless."
"From now on I've decided to end every joke with the question, Is this thing on?"
"If Menupages had its way, I'd be eating grass from Central Park and that's IT."
"Just mistook a hummingbird for a winged rat. Time to get out of New York."
"I was so tired after work I actually got lost in my NYC studio apartment."
Ay yi yi. Okay, you can say it. Or I'll just say it. Those might be some of the worst things I've ever written. Albeit, most of those I seem to recall being drunk during, but STILL. I also admit I do not even recall the Menupages one and have no idea what in the hell I was referencing, so I am not sure how I would write a joke around that line. Yikes.
In other news, Chipotle. Just. Chipotle. I had the best meal of my LIFE there after a 10-hour shift the other night. It was just a veggie bowl, but it was basically sex on a plate.
Here's a fun link I use for all you healthy Chipotlinites: HERE.
Howtogetworkdone.com
a new website by yours truly
I just laughed for way too long at this youtube comment:
nice song and nice face. i want to do sexy time.
Thought I had today: what if I counted how many times people told me I had pretty eyes? Then, when I was 80, during my "Katie is 80" themed birthday party I'd been planning since I was 22, I could say, "Excuse me, I have an announcement everyone. I have officially been told I have the prettiest eyes by 52,402 people. Well. Done. Me." Then everyone would clap and shit all over the walls. But just kidding about that last part.
I need to be men-in-blacked for various reasons. Anyone got one of them there memory wipin' devices? Device is a hard word to say in the Southern language.
I wrote this post yesterday and edited it today. Life might indeed be moving by a little too quickly for me to catch my breath. Calorically yours, me. UNT.
