Give me my money back, you bitch.

For all you Midwesterners or my mother out there . . .

I will now provide you with a little insight on apartment hunting in NYC.

and specifically, why it is a crock of shit.

In Michigan, my brother lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with a pool and brand new appliances, etc. etc. for $600/month. And that is not 600 each. That means the rent is $600 total a month.

Here's a picture of what you could have for a 2BR for $800 in New York:

they called it the 'fixer upper' apartment.

charming.

Here's one that baffles me to no end.

A 2BR for $1650 in the 'low 90s' on the Upper East Side.

They actually posted this stunning picture of the apartment:

Yes.

Where do I sign?

And does it include the tea kettle?

On a final note. It's the Dominican Republic Parade/Pride day.

One can only imagine my excitement.

As if it's not difficult enough to sleep on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday of the week in my neighboorhood, I'm sure tonight will just be off the heezy.

And since calling in noise violations obviously doesn't work, I've resorted to my own personal passive-aggessive method: it involves blaring my Borat CD on my stereo in my bedroom and turning the NSync "No Strings Attached" CD on in my DVD player in my living room and putting it on as high as it can go without busting the television speakers.

So far, nothing has happened as a result. It just gives me more hearing loss.

You would think people woudn't blast their music at least on weekday nights, but seeing as how not many people seem to be employed around here and the babies never sleep because they're usually working long shifts dealing drugs, I don't get too much shut eye.

F. I gotta get out of this 'hood.

Anyway,

I gotta go figure out what the hell is clanking around in my steam pipe . . . hopefully it's not the Rat King Conference of America's Annual Meeting.

But if it was, I'd immediately tell Casey all her dreams came true.

UNT.

What is the point of a railroad apartment, anyway?

I am considering eating this imported Asiago straight from the chunk.
IS your mouth watering?

I feel like my whole life is on hold.
I cannot possibly think or care too deeply about my career, relationships or appearance.
You would think then I would be much less stressed.
Quite the contrary.
I'm on the all-stress diet until I find a new place to live.
I understand this is out of choice.
BUT, how could I not be stressed if I have less than 3 weeks to find a roof over my head or else I'm homeless? 'omeless? OMELESS?! omelette.

I did give up coffee though.
Everyone clap for that.
Hell, get out of your computer chairs and stand your ass up and clap.
I've been drinking "Good Earth" green tea, which I tend to call Good Green Earth Tea or when I'm really all hyped up without caffeine: Good God Green Tea. Or when I spill my it all over my boss' computer and keypad: GOOD LORD FUCK ME IN THE ASS TEA.
actually, I don't call it that. I didn't even spill it on my boss' computer. or did I?

People say I swear too much.
I gave up caffeine, what the fuck else do you want from me?
I can only do so much.
twats.
I wish everyone called people 'twats' with the same intonation the Brits do.

Is this an offensive post.
question mark.

I'm making a list called, "Top Ten People I Know Who Need to Get a Grip"
So far, I'm number one on the list.
Followed by five people who live in NYC and 3 who live elsewhere.
Does that make ten?
No.
shit.
whoever's reading this - i think you make number 10, for mathematics' sake.

I ate a small cup of mushroom artichoke soup for dinner.
Followed by some sliced strawberries from Westside Market, my New York boyfriend.
Followed by carrots and tomato basil hummus.
what the fuck is that about? tomato basil hummus?
Followed by a big kid fruit roll up. like, organic.
Followed by hopefully that chunk of Asiago cheese.

speaking of hopefully
hopefully my mind will be less cloudy once I'm all moved into my new pad.
here's to HOPING (again) it will be more so in manhattan.
i hope heaven has dishwashers.
unt.