Stream of Consciousness

I find myself getting lost in thought much more often these days. Like this morning, after about ten minutes of sitting with my spoon in a bowl of cereal, I realize I haven't been eating, but just sitting, staring off into space at the kitchen table. And I can't even remember what I was just thinking about. Although, it was probably about cockroaches. And how I wish I didn't see them in the kitchen. And how I'm just waiting for the day for them to be in my food, and I pondered about how I was going to react to that. My first impression is that I'd probably just burst into tears. But upon second thought, and considering how desensitized I am against them lately, I figured I'd just throw out whatever I was eating, and make myself another dish or pour myself another bowl of whatever it was and just move on with my life. And then I was wondering if someone was going to buy another bottle of that Raid when it becomes empty---and I felt kind of annoyed, knowing that I would be most likely to buy it because I'm the one who sees the majority of them as I wake up the earliest and go to bed the latest. Sigh. I wonder if Brooklyn has cockroaches in their hipsterized apartments. Probably.

Also. I think about writing people every day. I have unfinished e-mails and mental drafts to Sherrie Barr, my parents, LJ and Susan Blackwell. Now that is one hell of an eclectic group of people.

I wonder if everyone feels complete and utter loneliness when they first move to the city. Surrounded by people, and yet you've never felt so alone. It was really good to hear Jordon confirm these thoughts the other day when we had a long talk about feeling so alone, and yet so alive, here. We both are in dire need of new friends. Too bad no one at catering wants to make more friends. Booo. I like meeting people. Lately, I can't get enough of meeting and learning about so many different, weird people.

And the other day (I forgot to record this) this was my horoscope, eerily enough:

Capricorn - October 21, 2008
You don't live your life by society's rules, dear Capricorn. Your freedom is what is most important to you. But, despite your independence, there are days when you have the sudden, sinking feeling that you could wind up alone in this world. Today, you should really begin to think about what the word commitment means to you. Is it really so scary after all?

I wonder if I'll grow up someday and suddenly start craving commitment. I'm sure then that 'desire to reproduce' that I just can't seem to ever see myself wanting will arise out of thin air and take hold of me. Yep, I'm sure of it. One day I will want to monogamously commit to someone and bear/adopt a child. One day . . . right after I get over caring only about satisfying my selfish needs and my desire to follow my dreams and be an artist. Yeah, after all that...

On an unrelated note, apparently Roald Dahl's autobiography is out on the market. Birthday present to me, anyone? It's a few months away, but a gal can dream, can't she?

Nothing makes me feel more accomplished than getting my laundry done every 2 weeks.
It's so WEIRD to me to do it that often. hahahaha.

I am addicted to coffee. But I feel it was inevitable with Maiorana genes.
I cannot wait to update my website and get my new headshots done next week!
Fall is ending rather quickly and it's beyond disappointing me.
BUT I am going to the cider mill on Saturday!!!!! Now that, my friends, is pure joy on a stick.


I have to go make a list of things to pack, balance my checkbook, pay my bills and put my clean clothes away.

go vote.
xo,
katie